Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
