Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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