i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
