Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
