so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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