Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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