So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
