I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
