I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
