He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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