new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
