I heard we made out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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