So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize