Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
