Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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