yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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