I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
