Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
