I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
