ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
