it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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