It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
