Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
