I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
