When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
