I'm gonna have a badass scar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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