I think I won the penis lottery.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
