we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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