my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
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You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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