Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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