Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
