mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
