i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
