I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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