it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
