Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
