That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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