He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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