Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
