Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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