Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
