does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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