You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
