I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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