It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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