Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
