I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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