Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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