if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
