my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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