And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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