No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize