when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
