thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
