Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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