They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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