I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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