Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
