Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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