There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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